If you’d like to be a bad writer, a boring writer, follow these 16 simple rules:
Never learn new words.
Always have the television on so you can’t hear yourself think.
Read as little as possible.
Write about things. Never write about people.
Remember that poetry is always boring, even if it comes from pop songs or pirate chants.
Take the easy path in life and writing.
Stop making people cry, or laugh, or gasp in surprise—or think.
Never listen to your readers.
See what everyone else is doing. Then do that.
Refuse to believe in yourself.
Blog about everything. Journal about nothing.
Don’t say anything weird or unusual.
If you can’t get the right word in the right spot, give up. Give up fast.
Never share your passion.
Use statistics always. Don’t ever tell stories.
Write only when you are inspired, when the feeling washes over you.